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Letting go of relationships that no longer serve you after Spinal Cord Injury

Alright.....
I know the title is a bit, "heavy". But, this conversation has been popping up the past few days, in very different situations and with different people. This isn't necessarily a topic that I enjoy writing about, nor really wish to spend to much time on but, I have been lead here so...let's just blurt it out and be done with it. By that I mean, I hope we can all heal and move on with our lives....
From my personal experience, and as a girlfriend of someone who sustained a high grade, spinal cord injury, I can openly say that I have "lost" a few people who we thought were our "friends".
The reason I bring this topic up is because I am surprised at how often this happens. A shift in relationships, friendships, and family members. SCI, and I suppose any other abruptly and quickly onset illness or disability truly frightens people. Maybe it makes them question their own mortality? Maybe it's a rude awakening that human life and connection doesn't revolve around materialism and personal gain.
I'll tell you this, SCI doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care if you're rich or poor, whether you have many friends or none. It's called an accident for a reason, it didn't happen on purpose. And yes, it hurts seeing the people you thought loved you and respected you, hit the road. But, know this...those are the ones that you would always have spend your healing energy...consoling and counselling. And guess what? IT ain't worth the trouble.
I had a close friend once tell me that my boyfriends SCI was.."too much" and "too stressful" for them. LOL. I know. And lately, I keep on hearing a similar theme with other men and women. "My family couldn't handle my injury"...or.. "my friend said this was too hard for them"...
Well, what are your thoughts on the topic? Do you have any words of wisdom when it comes to closing doors to expired relationships that no longer serve you? Let us know!
Elena
WAGS of SCI
I know the title is a bit, "heavy". But, this conversation has been popping up the past few days, in very different situations and with different people. This isn't necessarily a topic that I enjoy writing about, nor really wish to spend to much time on but, I have been lead here so...let's just blurt it out and be done with it. By that I mean, I hope we can all heal and move on with our lives....
From my personal experience, and as a girlfriend of someone who sustained a high grade, spinal cord injury, I can openly say that I have "lost" a few people who we thought were our "friends".
The reason I bring this topic up is because I am surprised at how often this happens. A shift in relationships, friendships, and family members. SCI, and I suppose any other abruptly and quickly onset illness or disability truly frightens people. Maybe it makes them question their own mortality? Maybe it's a rude awakening that human life and connection doesn't revolve around materialism and personal gain.
I'll tell you this, SCI doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care if you're rich or poor, whether you have many friends or none. It's called an accident for a reason, it didn't happen on purpose. And yes, it hurts seeing the people you thought loved you and respected you, hit the road. But, know this...those are the ones that you would always have spend your healing energy...consoling and counselling. And guess what? IT ain't worth the trouble.
I had a close friend once tell me that my boyfriends SCI was.."too much" and "too stressful" for them. LOL. I know. And lately, I keep on hearing a similar theme with other men and women. "My family couldn't handle my injury"...or.. "my friend said this was too hard for them"...
Well, what are your thoughts on the topic? Do you have any words of wisdom when it comes to closing doors to expired relationships that no longer serve you? Let us know!
Elena
WAGS of SCI
Your WAGS of SCI
(Elena and Brooke)
(Elena and Brooke)
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Comments
Also, your point about SCI not discriminating is SO. FREAKIN. TRUE. It's kind of amazing to me how little the general public knows or cares about SCI, even though it can happen to literally anyone. It is something that NO ONE can guarantee won't happen to them. I don't know, I just think that more people would want to be a bit more aware of something that could happen to them (in addition to simply caring about fellow human beings).
P.S.- that close friend saying your boyfriend's SCI was "too much" or "too stressful" for them....the lack of self-awareness is astounding.
(Elena and Brooke)
@Monica.T
@misscoreyann
@Dan_Gottlieb
@BrookeU
@Sterlion
(Elena and Brooke)
-Cole
@ColeandCharisma
@Zcollie
(Elena and Brooke)
@garrisonredd
@Zcollie
We have found that many of Dan's friends have trickled off but his closest buddies remain. It also has a lot to do with commuting and distance, people have a hard time making time to get together and drive out to us (1 hour away). Do you find that you go to others more often than they come to you?
(Elena and Brooke)
But about two years after the accident I had been working through all the grief, anger & everything that goes along with that kind of situation. Overall, I found it best to let go of the relationship completely and not be in contact. It's hard sometimes because I wonder does he even realize all he caused. But as I worked through my anger and forgiveness I've CHOSEN to forgive and by doing so I've found peace in my life. I think maintaining and keeping that relationship in my life would keep wounds open that don't need to be.
There are still moments of frustration and wondering, but overall the peace in my life brought me to my now husband and our beautiful life.
I love this quote about giving up & letting go that relates to many aspects of life by Danielle Koepke:
"There is a big difference between giving up and letting go. Giving up means selling yourself short. It means allowing fear and struggle toilet your opportunities and keep you stuck. Letting go means freeing yourself from something that is no longer serving you. Giving up reduces your life. Letting go expands it. giving up is imprisoning. Letting of is liberation. Giving up is self-defeat. Letting go is self-care.
So the next time you make the decision to release something or someone that is stifling your happiness and growth, and a person has the audacity to accuse you of giving up or being weak, remind yourself of the difference. Remind yourself that you don't need anyone's permission or approval to life your life in the way that feels right. No one has the authority to tell you who to be or how to live. No one gets to decide what your life should look like or who should be a part of it. No one, but you."