Different Kinds of Guilt
This is my first official Reeve Connect discussion, and I'm not really sure I'm doing it correctly. However, someone will probably clue me in if I'm not. I write a regular caregiver blog for Reeve, and in a recent blogpost, I expected some commentary. I'm generally surprised by what gets a lot of shares or likes and what doesn't. So this was a passage from the blog where was very honest about how I'm feeling at the end of long winter with my patience in caregiving between working full time, being a mom and wife, and pursuing my own secondary career as a writer.
"For example under the home page for relationships, there was this great post called “Managing your guilt about everything and anything” by Dr. Dan Gottlieb. I read it once and then a second time, and then I read all of the comments below the thread, and when I got to the one by WAGS, I took a really deep breath. Geoff has been traveling for two weeks in Bulgaria for work, and as much as I love and miss him, I do NOT miss taking care of him. There I said it. I said it out loud, and I feel pretty awful for saying it loud. But his travel allowed me to take time for me and not be a crazy maniac in the morning yelling at my kids to get ready before school. I’m wondering if I should put that in the Reeve Connect under that thread. Or, does that just make me look like a terrible person? It may to some, but I’m guessing that is a very real feeling of guilt for a lot of people like me. I recently shared Dr. Gottlieb’s post with a friend who cared for a family member for a long time, and that person has since passed away. He feels guilty for having time again and being able to choose what to do at that time. But that thread helped him too. That thread in Reeve Connect validated feelings which needed validation.
I can’t wait for Geoff to come home. But it’s also okay that I got to have some time without him. Thank you WAGS! Thank you, Dr. Gottlieb! Thank you to everyone else who has begun to weigh in at Reeve Connect. Thank you Reeve Community for developing this forum, and thank you to our own community for our endless support."
Since this is a discussion thread, I should pose a question, right? How do we articulate to others in caregiving capacity that the spectrum of emotion is natural? I had always been very independent and about 3 years ago I stopped saying, "Yes, we are all set, but thank you" whenever someone offered help. How do you let others take care of you from time to time?