Healthy Sexuality After SCI
I am beginning this discussion because I see nobody else on the forum has begun any kind of discussions on the subject. I know this is a very long post, but I believe this is a subject that needed to be discussed in great detail.
Sex or any kind of intimacy can be a very tough subject for those with spinal cord injuries to discuss or sometimes even begin to think about. I know that people, just like I was, can be very self-conscious about themselves being intimate with somebody because of their lack of being able to hold an erection or even being able to have an erection whatsoever. I myself am a married man and my wife and I are often intimate with each other regardless of the fact that I cannot usually have or maintain an erection.
Regardless of this fact my wife and I have a very fulfilling sex life. There is a mass misconception that a male has to produce an external ejaculate to have a fulfilling sex life. I myself retro ejaculate, but nonetheless I feel exactly as if I were ejaculating externally. You do not need to have an external ejaculation to have fulfilling sex life. I myself retro ejaculate, but does feel exactly as if I were ejaculating externally. All of the feelings are the same; the emotions, relaxation and even the euphoria.
My wife will stimulate my penis through manual stimulation even though I do not have an erection. In the beginning when we became intimate I did not believe I would be able to ejaculate, but I was completely wrong. She was very patient and understanding during these very emotionally vulnerable times of discovering what my body was capable of doing. I am very lucky to have a partner who was non-judgmental and she just wanted me to Explorer my own sexuality and she was completely willing to assist me during that time. She was Patient and understanding during these very emotionally vulnerable times and never once did she make me feel like less of a man because I could not attain an erection. She was my best friend for years before we ever had any kind of intimate moment and I know this was a big reason why she was so loving during these times. Don't jump into such an emotionally vulnerable moment with somebody who you barely know because they just might be very cruel to you and this very well might affect your self-esteem about your sexuality in long Run.
After learning more about my body through experimentation and just trying new things I became very familiar with my body and my wife's body. Eventually we both had no issues coming to mutual climax on a regular basis. While she is stimulating my genitals I am stimulating her breasts and we have had no problems whatsoever with either of us climaxing while we are being intimate. Not to provide too much information but we have both have had multiple orgasms during our times of intimacy. She has had upwards of six orgasms and I've had two orgasms while we are together and this is in no type of rare occurrence.
We both believe it is the connection that we have with each other that allows us to have such a great sex life. It saddens me to see those with spinal cord injuries who are in intimate relationships complain that they are unable to please their partner and I believe that if they focused more on the emotional and spiritual level of their relationship there sex life would be so much more complete.
You must stop focusing on your physical limitations and begin working on your connection with your partner spiritually and emotionally. It's an all encompassing experience. We do lots of things to be intimate with each other besides vaginal penetration. We love to just be close to one another and we rub each other's bodies kiss each other and do many other things that can be considered "foreplay". Believe it or not we have both come to climax just buy doing these type of things. Once I solely stopped focusing on penetration during sex A Whole New World opened up to me. With my wife our sex life became exponentially more fulfilling and pleasurable.
We would be happy to answer any questions that anybody has regarding there sexuality or my experience with coming to terms with my own limitations and experiences becoming more comfortable with my own sexuality. My wife would also answer any questions that a spouse to a spinal cord injured person might have as well. Thank you for reading my post and we hope to hear from somebody soon. Thank you