sasha9125 Being "overwhelmed" seems to be part of this in the beginning - my son is 18, we are 20 months into this new way of life, and at first it is extremely over whelming, the over load of must learn information, doctor appointments, therapy appointments, and just trying to adjust to everyday unexpected occurrences. As a mother we too struggle to cope and adjust, and as mothers we often suffer in silence, put on a strong exterior so nobody sees that we are barely holding it together on the inside! The feeling of helplessness, of not being able to fix it or make life better RIGHT NOW drowns us in a sea of emotions. But hang on, with time things will begin to sort themselves out, you two will begin to figure out a routine that works and that will help ease the stress and tension. Don't choke on the tears, let them fall, crying is a great emotional release.
Your son's emotions are his way of expressing the hurt, anger, fear, frustration, and pain of everything he's going through. My son also struggled with repeated UTIs, pressure sores, and diarrhea; it's the body trying to adjust to this new and very different physical way of being, like most anything else; adjusting takes time. During this time it's important to work closely with his doctors and therapists, making them aware of not just his physical problems but also his emotional struggles. Stress and depression can slow healing and recovery.
As your son works with PT & OT and begins to gain whatever independence he can, it will help his emotional well being.
A friend of mine explained this time like going through the grieving process, it's the same emotions, your son is grieving the loss of his former life, and so are you. Allow yourselves time to grieve, there is no time set for this, it will take however long you each need it to. My son and I are still learning to cope, to adjust, and even accept this new way of life. One of the things that helped my son was doing things he enjoyed before his SCI (but this didn't come until many months after his injury and not until we finally began to get his pain under control) it helped a lot with his depression.
And try not to get overly discouraged, we are still trying to sort out a bowel program routine that works, and still have accidents sometimes, but now we don't go into full panic mode over it and I don't beat myself up over not getting it right. We'll get there, eventually and you and your son will too.