Closure After Spinal Cord Injury

WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Posts: 338Moderator Moderator
100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Awesomes First Answer
Happy Thursday Everybody!

I have come across some re-occurring thoughts around a topic that I feel doesn't have a right or wrong answer. 

Recently, my boyfriend and I went back to our home town, where he owned his first home at the age of 21 and never really had a chance to say goodbye to everything he built. When SCI changed our lives, his estate was left up in the air for his family to sort out. While he was in rehabilitation, everyone around him was scurrying around to throw his home on the market on his behalf. And while we have always been VERY communicative and have been very open with each other about the different stages of grief and loss, sometimes I wonder what it is like for Dan, to have his entire life swept out form underneath him. He has hardly spoke of loosing it. He admits that "it sucks" but not much else. It's felt me feeling that closer is fluid and constantly changing. Some days, you feel like you've closed every nook and cranny, while other days, I feel like I could scream for him and all he has lost. 

This isn't something that is a regular part of our conversation. In fact, a few weeks ago while we were sitting outside on our patio, he looked over at the latus and Clamatys plant that was spreading across it, and began to shed some tears. Right away, I jumped up and ran over to hug him. "What's wrong?" I asked. He began to cry and said "I never got to see the Clamatys bloom at our house, we never made it to the spring. (His accident occured on Jan 2, 2016). I comforted him and held him. In fact, our neighbor was over having a glass of wine and she began to weep as well. In that moment, it hit me, he has never had the opportunity to have closer. And every time we go back "home" to our town, he never wants to drive by the street we lived on. I've respected this deeply. But, after holding him, I couldn't help but walk into the bathroom, shut the door and wipe away some of my own tears. Having to hold yourself together for the people we love can be one of the most difficult things. I know this. But, sometimes I wonder what I could have done differently or can do to help him ease this journey. How many years or months or days will pass until he shed's another tear during the process of grieving and healing? There is no right answer to this. 

Have you ever seen your loved one go through this? What did you do?
Have you ever began your journey to healing and closure? What did it look like for you?

Thank you for all of your thoughts in advance. This is huge for us. 

Elena Pauly

Your WAGS of SCI
(Elena and Brooke)

Comments

  • BrittanyFrankBrittanyFrank Posts: 57Moderator Moderator
    10 Comments 5 Awesomes Name Dropper 5 Likes
    I began my journey to closure a few years after my accident by returning to the scene of the accident. First I just visited and remembered, then I decided to actually rappel the cliff that I was paralyzed at and at first I wasn't sure what to expect. But I found such peace and closure afterwards and truly felt ready to move on with my life and not let the "what ifs" hang over or consume me anymore. 
  • WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Posts: 338Moderator Moderator
    100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Awesomes First Answer
    Wow, Brittany, 
    Thank you for sharing this. It's such a huge step and must have been very challenging/ rewarding. Often times my boyfriend and I talk about going back to our home that we owned and had to sell on the fly after his injury in Cuba, but even after 3 years have passed, he is still unsure about that. 

    I have driven by a few times, as it's a few blocks away from where his parents live (in a different city than where we reside right now), and I often talk about going back to Cuba to thank the many local Dr's and nurses and staff that helped us leave Cuba after the accident. And again, he is still unsure. I think there is a tremendous amount of pain but also being able to have these conversations have eased the pain and fear about these unknown situations. 
    Your WAGS of SCI
    (Elena and Brooke)
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