Making love after SCI

iamdadmaniamdadman Posts: 95Moderator Moderator
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I have been paralyzed for a little over eight years now.  I have been with my wife for over 45 years.  We always had a great sex life and immediately following my injury, what had come easily and naturally was now extremely difficult.  First off, my wife didn't want to have sex because she felt guilty because while she was still able to achieve orgasm, I was not.  She found it difficult to understand why I would even want to make love when I could not orgasm or even feel her touches.  I am a T2 so anything below my nipple line is unfeeling.  I can honestly remember the first couple of times after sex, and she orgasmed, she would break down in tears with guilt and sadness.  After a while we overcame that issue with discussion and patient understanding.  Even though I am 67 years old I must have really high levels of testosterone because I still have an incredible strong sex drive.  We now engage in sexual activity about once a week and it is an expression of love and passion.  I still find my wife extremely desirable and even though lovemaking is much different than what it was, I get a lot of pleasure from making love to my wife.  We have found different ways too make love; one way is in the shower, another is role playing.  I still love performing oral sex and touching her all over.  There is a lot of anxiety and apprehension about SEX after SCI but based on your partner and sincere communication, making love can still be a very enjoyable experience.  


  • ZcollieZcollie Posts: 86Moderator Moderator
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    I have been paralyzed for eight years. I broke my neck when I was 15 and now I am 24. I never had sex until after my injury. After my injury happened I thought no one would ever want to have sex with me and I didn't know if I even could anymore. Fast forward to now, I have been in an amazing relationship for a little over a year and our sex life is great. It is definitely  awkward at first, but as time goes by you figure out what works best for you. My partner and I have figured out a way for me to reach ejaculation, which is great, but only with a vibrator. Vaginal stimulation is not enough for me. I have two different vibrators the magic wand and viberect x3. At first it was really hard for my girlfriend in the beginning. It hurt her that she could not naturally make my body do that, but I always tell her that it has nothing to do with her or her body. It is the stupid SCI. As Iamdadman shared above, my girlfriend also feels guilty when she reaches orgasm and I don't. It doesn't bother me even though I know she wishes I could every time. I personally enjoy doing the pleasuring. As long as she is having a great time so am I. Plus there are many other ways of being intimate without penetration. It is absolutely still possible to have a great sex life with a SCI. I am an open book about this so feel free to ask me any questions!
    First Comment Photogenic
    LET'S ROCK THIS DISCUSSION by asking everyone's opinion about SEXUAL SURROGACY

    SEX is a topic that almost everyone wants to hear, learn, or even want to experience but not everyone want to participate in. Why? Is it because of our society? Religion? Morality? Just keep in mind, what is right or moral for us maybe wrong or immoral for others and vice versa.. We all have different beliefs and culture. What is normal in one society or culture may not be normal to others (and vice versa), isn't it?

    While others are fortunate to have someone to want to have SEX, INTIMACY, RELATIONSHIP, CONNECTION, BELONGING, BOOTY CALL, or whatever you call it... others are not that fortunate to have that kind of person to have sex with or to be intimate with. And YES, I'm not just talking about paralysis here but also other type of disability especially those who can't even DIY (Do It Yourself or masturbate).

    Click here >>> to view one of the many sexual surrogacy videos on YouTube that may or may not even open your mind. Personally, I feel so lucky and blessed but feeling for sorry for others. 

    Please let have an open mind, remain non-judgmental and perhaps, we can all learn from each other about this SEXUAL SURROGACY topic... we want to hear your honest, uncensored opinion on this issue.
    I'm not even sure if this post will be allowed by the Moderator (due to minors in this site) but if this kind of topic isn't allowed, please feel free to delete this post.
    First Comment Photogenic
    edited February 20
    i just found my duplicate comment and for some reason i can't find the delete button so I'm just replacing my duplicate comment with this comment
  • ZcollieZcollie Posts: 86Moderator Moderator
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    @FROYDELAPENA Wow this is a really interesting topic to talk about and something I have never thought about before. Makes me grateful for what I have. I watched the Youtube video and thought it is was an interesting idea, but a little weird to me. However, I do understand the point of it. Sex is definitely a topic to talk about!
  • Dan_GottliebDan_Gottlieb Posts: 13Moderator Moderator
    10 Comments 5 Awesomes 5 Likes Photogenic
    I am 72 and am a C5-6 quadriplegic for the last 40 years. The first time my wife and I tried to make love after the accident, she touched my face and felt great. Then she moved her hand to my shoulders and then it moved down below my sensory level. I began to cry and say "don't touch me where I am dead."
    We struggled with sex before our divorce. Like in the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall, I always wanted more and she wanted less.

    I've lived with a couple of women and have enjoyed oral sex with them.

    But 10 years ago, I met a woman I fell wildly in love with (thank goodness. the reverse is true also!) And now lovemaking is a completely different thing.

    Now I am truly making love. My desire is simply to please my partner. But there's more. When we make love, I so enjoy oral sex like I never have before. I get aroused and she makes noises and moves her body in response to what I touch and how I touch it. I get aroused by the scents and tastes. And when she reaches orgasm, my heart is pounding and I feel the same rest when we are done that I always have.

    It is about making love, and there are a thousand ways of doing that.
    Dr. Dan,

    Daniel Gottlieb PhD

  • iamdadmaniamdadman Posts: 95Moderator Moderator
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    Thanks everyone for the really great comments.  I am so glad we all feel comfortable enough to discuss this personal topic.  
  • ZcollieZcollie Posts: 86Moderator Moderator
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    I agree! @iamdadman
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