Sleeping Arrangements with your partner after Spinal Cord Injury

WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Posts: 259Moderator Moderator
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Hello lovely people,

When Dan and I first came out of rehabilitation into our rental apartment, sleeping beside each other was a big question, mostly because we were curious of how and where the over head lift would be installed. We ordered two single beds beside each other; his being the fancy shmancy one with all the bells and whistles. The remote attached to his bed allowed his to raise his torso and legs up and down for sitting up and laying down, while mine was a pretty standard flat-laying frame. When the installation crew came into install the lift however, they installed it between our two beds rather than on either side, which would allow it to glide across both beds. 

Inteeerrrresssstingggg... I thought. 

They quickly took it all apart and reinstalled it properly when I stated that we would not be sleeping a meter apart from one another, lol!!

As many of you have either experienced or can image, sleeping together doesn't only bond you but in an SCI situation, it's really helpful to be close for rotating body positions, fixing jumping and spasming legs and body parts, or giving medications and water bottles etc during the night.

Now that it has been almost three years, we've come across a completely different conversation about sleeping together...

It's about bedding. Particularly about the duvet. Our two beds pushed together equal to ONE king bed. Meaning, that our duvet is one big massive and heavy blanket. I always request for us to have two separate ones as Dan has become mostly independent during the nights and can do his own ICP's all night long but I find myself waking up every couple hours from the pulling of the blanket. I have requested to have two single duvets but he says it will look odd. While I was ill we did use two separate duvets so I wouldn't have to share an icky sweaty one with him but he says it's much to heavy to have his own. 

SO, I come to you!! What are your thoughts? Do you have a system to works well for you and your partner? Please, please, please share it with us. We'd love to hear all of your routines and bedding set up! 

Thanks so much,

Elena 

Your WAGS of SCI
(Elena and Brooke)

Comments

  • ColeandCharismaColeandCharisma Posts: 12Moderator Moderator
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    Hi Elena!!

    It is so interesting reading about you and Dan's sleeping arrangements! Cole and I were recently talking about that subject because we are moving out and I NEED a bigger bed haha. So we are looking into getting two beds and pushing them together to form a king size bed. Sleeping in the same bed has been very easy, for me at least. I set Cole up and pad him off with pillows, we use a straight cath at night, and we don't ever rotate. We both sleep throughout the nice pretty well, although Cole wakes up occasionally asking me to remove the covers off of him! I think it would be a good idea getting two seperate duvets but can also see how it may look really strange! If you both end up going that route, I would like to know how it works out! 

    - Charisma 
  • WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Posts: 259Moderator Moderator
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    Hi Charisma! 
    @ColeandCharisma

    We talk about this literally every single night! LOL! 
    I change our bedding every 2nd night and that usually means changing the duvet cover as well. I have an obsession with always feeling clean and having fresh sheets. We have two little dogs, Charles and Frank and well..a wheelchair, so between the 3 of them and me walking in bare feet..I have a constant feel for sand particles. So, every time I change our duvet I try to sneak mine on but again, Dan doesn't like it. I think for the summer months I will look into getting two thinner ones and maybe just fold the big one over in the morning while putting the two small ones away. It sounds like a lot of work but I think it may be the only route to keep the peace. Once you guys move in together, let me know how you decide to do it! 

    Thanks so much for the feedback!

    Elena
    Your WAGS of SCI
    (Elena and Brooke)
  • wheelchairwarlockwheelchairwarlock Posts: 16Member
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    I'm looking into getting a new bed in order to be closer with my girlfriend, but right now all I have is a twin sized hospital bed and I don't know how to find a new bed that does all the same things but can fit two people. Or maybe another bed that I can set up right next to my existing bed. I need a bed that can raise or lower my upper body but can also height adjust to save my caregivers' backs, if that makes sense. Could I ask where you found the bed you use?
    As one judge said to another: "Be just and if you can’t be just, be arbitrary.” - William S. Burroughs 
  • WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Posts: 259Moderator Moderator
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    Yes, this absolutely makes sense. In fact, this is exactly what we use in our home... Dan's bed has all of the bells and whistles (going up, down, all around), and mine lays flat beside him. Neither one of us have a box spring and I recently upgraded my mattress to an "Endy" type. To be completely honest, I was more excited to just be able to sleep next to him that I didn't really care about our bed situation, just as long as they were side by side. I won't lie, the "medical" bed set we got isn't the most glamorous by any means....
    This may actually be a great business opportunity for anyone with a flare in design or interior decorating. The medical equipment field needs a major update.

    Firstly, why is ALL medical equipment so darn expensive? 

    I understand that it is all a business and yes it may be a niche...but common...
    That being said, if you are contemplating you career choice- start a medical equipment franchise. You will prosper, lol.  

    Secondly, why in the name of sweet baby Jesus, are the bed-frames SO tacky?
    (Considering that an SCI can happen to anyone, at any time...
    Why are we banished to three options of "headboard" color, in one style?

    If I may dig a little bit deeper- why are (we) as spouses lead to subscribe to outdated ideologies around sleeping arrangements.

    We love our partners and we crave their touch and breath near us. When our partners come out of rehab and we have the option to be near them, we will. We miss many things about our relationships and may even reminisce about the.. "what it used to be like"... so why not, at the very least, give US reasonable options for a sleeping system that justifies spending $5000. 

    (Optional Read)
    I need a moment... There have been 50 + times that I have ran into our footboard posts. Why are there little metal posts in the foot area of the bed? Lol...in all seriousness if anyone else has purchased a medical bed set please PM me... I need to know someone else feels the way I do. 

    P.S...IF you have made it this far into this post....God Bless you... and thank you for giving me the space to let it all out...also, lets start a business designing medical bed frames that are actually cute!

    -Elena


    Your WAGS of SCI
    (Elena and Brooke)
  • wheelchairwarlockwheelchairwarlock Posts: 16Member
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    @WAGSofSCI
    You should see the hospital bed that my insurance covered after leaving the rehab hospital. The pattern on the footboard is that weird, fake wood pattern they use to cover up particleboard. I swear I've spotted the same model of hospital bed in several 80's movies, who knows maybe it's even the exact same bed used in some of those films. The worst part is that it's falling apart anyway, and even if I replace it with the top-of-the-line hospital bed, like you said they're all ugly, apparently there isn't a hospital bed on planet Earth that someone stopped to think, hmm maybe this doesn't have to look like absolute garbage... Do they not realize some people have to have this ugly shit in their house out of necessity? My girlfriend and I joked about sleeping together in the bed I have and I think we both just laughed, like yeah that ain't possible. And that's funny but also a complete tragedy, the design philosophy behind hospital beds is like either a bed to be sick or die in. I think I'd rather die on my floor than in the ugly ass bed I have lol at least I like the color of my floor.

    I think the disconnect occurs because companies that manufacture hospital beds are used to dealing with insurance companies or hospitals, not consumers. I think that now would be the perfect time in history for some company to take "medical" type bedding and furniture out of the dark ages. 
    As one judge said to another: "Be just and if you can’t be just, be arbitrary.” - William S. Burroughs 
  • trevorsendeavortrevorsendeavor Posts: 36Moderator Moderator
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    Hey there!

    When my girlfriend and I started dating, this was all a new process for both of us. The alarms to wake up, the cathing in the middle of the night, the occasional wet bed... but we have seemed to make it work. Shortly after we moved in together, we invested in a king size Purple (brand) bed. Which I will add has been a great investment. They claim to be the best in distributing weight and relieving some of the pressure from the major joints. I don't seem to need to shift or alter my weight, since getting the bed I haven't had any skin issues at all. Not to mention the extra space was glorious. Taking into account the spasms and the waking up periodically through the night, the space has been amazing. We also use a duvet which she loves, but since I have bought another blanket that can be easily washed. The biggest problem I seem to run into is incontinence at night, or not waking up to relieve myself (tend to be a heavy sleeper). I think this also helps the situation where we aren't always fighting over blankets. Before we fall asleep I usually get under both blankets until I get too warm which allows us to cuddle and feel close. Then when it's time to sleep, we each have our own space! I know everyone's situation is different but I hope this helps!
  • WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Posts: 259Moderator Moderator
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    @trevorsendeavor
    hey who is your girlfriend and is she a member of our group? :*
    Your WAGS of SCI
    (Elena and Brooke)
  • wheelchairwarlockwheelchairwarlock Posts: 16Member
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    As one judge said to another: "Be just and if you can’t be just, be arbitrary.” - William S. Burroughs 
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