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Would YOU be offended if your friend or a family member moved to an inaccessible home?

WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Posts: 284Moderator Moderator
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in Emotional and Mental Health
Hey All

We are wondering what your thoughts are on this: if a good friend of family member moved to a place where you couldn't get in, or that wasn't conducive to a wheelchair, would you be offended that they didn't consider you in their moving plans?

If they had the opportunity to be thoughtful about access, but chose to ignore it or didn't factor that into their decision making at all, would this bother you?

Would love to read your thoughts or experiences on this.

WAGS of SCI 
Your WAGS of SCI
(Elena and Brooke)
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Comments

  • IrinaCarmenIrinaCarmen Posts: 6Member ✭
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    This may not be very helpful since we live in a country where almost NOTHING is accesible... So considering that, my answer would be most likely a no. Accessibility is so difficult to achieve here and our families are middle-classed, so I wouldn't mind, and my fiance wouldn't either.

    However, I get incredibly mad when a closed one invites us somewhere where accessibility lacks completely. My guy, on the other hand, has no problem with it. I know this was not the question, but I just wanted to point out that while I wouldn't mind the lack of accessibility where it would be difficult to obtain or it'd imply enormous extra costs, I do mind in situations where a simple, small effort could be made.

    But if we lived somewhere else and this was easier to do, I'd probably have a problem if, for example, my mom had a choice into making her place more accessible, without huge extra costs, and she'd choose not to.

    ...so I guess I'm somewhere in between lol.
    “Be brave. Be open-minded. Be kind. Be forgiving. Be generous. Be optimistic. Be grateful for the many unexpected lessons you will learn. Find the joy inside the hardship. It’s there. I assure you. And, too, be opened to inspiration from unlikely sources.” - D.R.
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  • BrookeUBrookeU Posts: 169Moderator Moderator
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    I've thought about this before. I'm trying to move to New York City in the not-too-far future, but I'll be on a tight, tight budget. I would like for my brother (and any potential friends I make who use wheelchairs) to be able to get into my apartment when he visits, but I'm just not sure what I can afford that would be accessible since so many buildings are walk-ups and probably have hallways and doorways that are too narrow. Any tips from New Yorkers on here who use wheelchairs? Did you manage to find an accessible place on a budget?
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  • ZcollieZcollie Posts: 179Moderator Moderator
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    I feel like if one of my really close friends or family member moved into a place that was not accessible for me I would be a little offended. It would also depend on their options. If they had both options (an accessible and inaccessible place) and liked both and chose to move into the place that I could not get in, I would be frustrated. If they did not have many options and the place they wanted and liked was not accessible I would be okay with that. If it was a place I could not get in I would just never go over, they would have to come to me. 
    Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. -SONIA RICOTTI
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  • SterlionSterlion Posts: 74Moderator Moderator
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    I would only be offended if they planned to entertain a lot and I was not able to participate in it. I would rather not feel like a burden on the life of others. If they found a place they liked and wanted to live there I'd be happy for them. I don't want to be the exception on why someone doesn't live at a place they really want.

    Side note: There hasn't really been a place where I haven't been able to go. Because I am small framed and in a manual chair I can easily be lifted up stairs or a few steps. So really I have been able to make anything work even if not accessible. 
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  • BrookeUBrookeU Posts: 169Moderator Moderator
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    @Zcollie and @Sterlion, something came to mind since I posted this. In a place like New York, where I imagine affordable, accessible places are few and far between, would it be frowned upon for me to take up that space when someone who actually needs its is out there? I guess there's no guarantee that if I didn't take the place that some other able-bodied person wouldn't grab it, but I would hate to take a place that someone who uses wheelchair needs more than I do. Complicated!
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  • SterlionSterlion Posts: 74Moderator Moderator
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    @BrookeU
    That is a good question! I would base it on how often your brother goes to see/stay with you. I'd think you would be able to get one no problem with your situation with your brother. It's just be up to you. Maybe find a place that's accessible but not modified? That way he can get in and move around fine when he is there, but you won't take necessities from someone else when he's not. 
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  • WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Posts: 284Moderator Moderator
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    @BrookeU
    Really really good point. Maybe if it was accessible only for entrance/elevator requirements then. 
    Your WAGS of SCI
    (Elena and Brooke)
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  • BrookeUBrookeU Posts: 169Moderator Moderator
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    Good points! Visitable but not totally modified. Thanks, y'all!
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  • garrisonreddgarrisonredd Posts: 120Moderator Moderator
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    Like @BrookeU said visitable is the key
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