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Why Moving Homes Has Been Harder on Our Marriage Than I Ever Imagined

heatherkrillheatherkrill Moderator Posts: 59 Moderator
10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Likes 5 Awesomes
Hi all, I've missed you and your threads!  Back in late July an opportunity to swap houses came to us.  Another local, older couple with some serious medical issues hoped to downsize to condo living and new we were looking for more space.  What happened next was nothing short of magical and I'm forever grateful to have been afforded the opportunity to move my little family into a larger home with a two door garage and storage space for all of our adaptive equipment.  However, I could not have imagined it would have been so hard.  The actual moving part.  The actual packing up boxes and moving them in a van to the garage of our new place each day during the month of August.  Friends and family offered to help of course but moving is hard because you also want to throw away crap.  Other people can't know what the crap is you want to throw out.  So I did it mostly myself and then on our actual move day, an entire crew of people showed up at different times throughout the day to help with the big stuff-- the couch, the beds, the bureaus, and bookshelves.  But this is where my husband's opinion and sense of independence coupled with his spinal cord injury really got the better of me--- he and I had different ideas about what ought to be unpacked first.  He really needed a personal assistant to help him with what he wanted/ needed/ desired to unpack first.  Therefore, two weeks later, we are still largely unpacked, and I'm trying to be okay with it.  But transitions are hard.  Change is hard.  The house is lovely and accessible-- but I can't find any of my stuff!  And when I'm unpacking, I'm asked by the hubs and our two children about 65 times a day, "Mom (or Heather) could you help me to find _________ please?"  So that last Sunday when I finally decided to mow our lawn (never had to worry about that before in condo living) I cried openly on the front yard as new neighbors drove by wondering what could possibly be wrong since we had this amazing new and lovely home.  Yep.  Moving is hard.  I'm hoping it will get easier the more I can unpack.  
My father in law even had the nerve to say to me, "It was so much easier when the company just packed us up and moved us," and it took every ounce of love I have for the man to say, "Really?  I can't even imagine..."  
And I'm a teacher, so moving Labor Day weekend did nothing to curb my "Back to School" nerves and anxiety about a new school year.  Find time to write my blog for my website?  Who has time for that?  Needless to say, I needed to get back onto Reeve Connect this week.  I've made it priority.  Feelings to be verified by a community who understands.  There is even guilt in being grateful... thank you for listening... 


  • prc_Bethprc_Beth Moderator, Information Specialist Posts: 42 Information Specialist
    10 Comments 5 Awesomes First Anniversary 5 Likes
    Thank  you for sharing this. Remember to give yourself a break. The stress you are feeling is normal. Even when you feel blessed you can also feel stressed.
  • ZcollieZcollie Moderator Posts: 239 Moderator
    100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Awesomes First Anniversary
    Thank you for sharing. As a quad myself and living in an apartment with my fiancé I do worry about the day we move out into a bigger and better place. I know that I will not be able to help with any of the packing, transporting, and unloading and it really sucks. Especially because I am the guy. However, I just want to emphasize the importance of SELF-CARE for yourself. I am sure you have so much on your plate and it is important to remember to take time for yourself. 
    Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. -SONIA RICOTTI
  • WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Moderator Posts: 384 Moderator
    100 Awesomes 100 Likes 100 Comments First Anniversary
    Thank you for posting this. I find myself that its not the caregiver part of my life that is stressful, its the facilitating, and real life stresses that have nothing to do with SCI that "overflow" my cup. Its tough to balance all of the regular life stuff, your stress and caregiving! - Brooke 
    Your WAGS of SCI
    (Elena and Brooke)
  • heatherkrillheatherkrill Moderator Posts: 59 Moderator
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Likes 5 Awesomes
    Agreed.  Somehow I missed this comment back in September.  I'm sorry!  Thank you for the validation.  :) 
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