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One thing you miss doing...

ZcollieZcollie Moderator Posts: 239 Moderator
100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Awesomes First Anniversary
Hi everyone.

For those of you who are injured. What is one thing you miss being able to do before your accident happened and what is one thing you have learned from it?

I am usually the type of person who is always positive and not let anything get to me. I accept the things I cannot change and don't stress about what I cant control. I personally try not to think about what I loss because I don't see the point of it. Thinking about the things I can no longer do makes me sad and I don't see the point in paying attention to those feelings. Any negative feelings I usually get I push them away before I latch onto them. The other day I allowed myself to feel those emotions and be okay feeling sad for little it. I don't see anything wrong with allowing yourself to feel any kind of emotions even the negative ones as long as you don't let them overpower your mind. 

I really really really miss the simple things... I miss being able to get myself a glass of water. I miss being able to dress myself and tie my own shoes. I miss standing up and hugging others. I miss running, which I never enjoyed doing. I miss doing my own hair. I even miss doing chores haha (not something I thought I would ever miss). The list goes on...

One of the biggest things this injury has taught me is Patience. I was the most impatient person I knew before my accident and all of my family would confirm that. I have learned to be a much more patient and compassionate person because of my SCI. I am grateful for that. 


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. -SONIA RICOTTI

Comments

  • ambercollieambercollie Moderator Posts: 126 Moderator
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    @Zcollie you definitely have learned Patience!!!
    This was the kid that would ask me “mom what are we doing after this??
    While we’re at DISNEYLAND!

    We can always Chose to Keep Learning!
  • SterlionSterlion Moderator Posts: 100 Moderator
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    @Zcollie
    You definitely hit on a lot of things I miss doing (dressing, running). The biggest thing I miss is the ability to go anywhere wherever and stay as long as I wanted without having to rely on others. Independence is something I would never again take for granted. 

    One thing Ive learned is compassion. We don't always know what people are going through because it's not always visible. 
  • ZcollieZcollie Moderator Posts: 239 Moderator
    100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Awesomes First Anniversary
    @Sterlion Yeah same here. I miss having that freedom too. I took for granted a lot of things. I have learned many things because of this injury and becoming more compassionate was definitely one of them. 
    Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. -SONIA RICOTTI
  • WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Moderator Posts: 384 Moderator
    100 Awesomes 100 Likes 100 Comments First Anniversary
    @Zcollie I agree with your attitude 100%... theres no point in wishing to have what once was. BUT.. I love this topic!

    my husband always says the number one thing he misses is being able to rock climb. Unfortunately, this is something that is not possible after an injury like his. He misses the mountains.. he misses the fresh air that he could breath from the top of a mountain he had just climbed. It makes me so sad...

    As for me, the one thing I really miss is being able to go somewhere overnight or a vacation alone. We do not have nursing, and every time I do hire someone to come and stay with him while im away, something always goes wrong and the stress I have to deal with after I come back isn't worth the trip to begin with for me. I miss that stress free feeling of leaving home and not having to worry...

    Brooke 
    Your WAGS of SCI
    (Elena and Brooke)
  • ZcollieZcollie Moderator Posts: 239 Moderator
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    @WAGSofSCI Yeah I am sure that is really hard for you to have to deal with being the partner of someone with an sci. I wish it was an easier process to give our able-bodied partners a break. Caregiver burnout is such a real thing and what makes things even more difficult is mixing the roles of caregiver and partner. I was just talking to Bree about that last night and it sucks. I wish I could afford a full-time caregiver and take a lot of things off Bree's plate. All you women are truly freaking amazing who take on both roles and make it work. 
    Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. -SONIA RICOTTI
  • iamdadmaniamdadman Moderator Posts: 195 Moderator
    100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Awesomes First Anniversary
    @Zcollie
    It's so interesting coming across this discussion.  Just the past couple of days I have been lamenting many things that I miss.  A couple of the things I miss in no particular order are making love to my wife and playing golf.  Like many of us living with paralysis, there are good days when life is good and I am able to see all that is good in my life and then there are bad days when I feel sorry for myself and miss everything from all the sports I use to play to doing yard work.  The bad days I think are more numerous when winter comes around.  The cold weather and the shorter days are not my cup of tea...

    Joe   
  • alexshephardalexshephard Member Posts: 2
    First Comment
    Being paralyzed is never the end of what you love. I have this patient who loved dancing before he got paralyzed. Half of his body is currently paralyzed and he is on a wheelchair. I'd been dancing since High school. And I am glad that we both the same passion. I am teaching my patient how to dance using his upper body such as his hands, shoulder and neck. He used to hate the world because of what has happened to him and now, I brought him so much hope and joy.  
    Click here
  • iamdadmaniamdadman Moderator Posts: 195 Moderator
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    I think that is wonderful!  I tried to click on the link and it said that the site wasn't safe that your certificate wasn't verified?  Is it a picture of you and your patient dancing?
    Joe
  • ambercollieambercollie Moderator Posts: 126 Moderator
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    @alexshephard
    That is so nice to hear. What is your type of work? 
  • FionaFiona Member Posts: 1
    Photogenic First Comment
    Going for a walk for pleasure.
  • iamdadmaniamdadman Moderator Posts: 195 Moderator
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    @Fiona,

    I used to walk all the time with my neighbor.  We had a trail through the woods.  It was lovely.

    Joe

  • cherrypiecherrypie Member Posts: 9
    Name Dropper First Comment
    Hello, I'm nearly paralyzed here. And I just want to let you know that what you just said is spot-on like I learned patience and learned to Value things so much more. I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I feel so miserable everyday. I can't find my new normal even though it's been 1 year and 7 months. It's a living hell, and I just want to let you know that Your words bring me peace. I was going crazy right now. I was like, what are the odds? Why me? Anyways back to your question. I miss doing my makeup in my hair and getting cute outfits and making my own food my own way because I'm a very picky eater. Hahaha, I have this thing where I do not like my eggs on glass plates And things like that. I miss driving. I miss hugging my family like you said. I miss hanging out with my friends. I was very athletic very athletic. So. I feel like this is the most worst thing that could have happened to anybody especially an athletic person.
  • WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Moderator Posts: 384 Moderator
    100 Awesomes 100 Likes 100 Comments First Anniversary
    @cherrypie
     have you followed Quads like Stephanie Ayello and Rachelle Chapman? They both have extremely positive profiles and are very successful in makeup and fashion - its good to immerse yourself with positive influences. You can also follow the Rolettes who are huge inspirations to us! Life does NOT need to be over with this injury - try and get to the place where you can have some acceptance and new good things will come into your life. - Brooke 
    Your WAGS of SCI
    (Elena and Brooke)
  • cherrypiecherrypie Member Posts: 9
    Name Dropper First Comment
    @WAGSofSCI hello and I'm new here but I will follow I guess I should be trying to be more positive since I cannot change this situation and I accidentally put nearly paralyzed in my previous post I meant to say newly paralyzed. I'm a C4 complete unfortunately but anyways yes I will be looking into those profiles but is still very tragic because I cannot do my own makeup as much as I would like to I am very grateful although to find a support group I can talk to and understands me
  • ambercollieambercollie Moderator Posts: 126 Moderator
    100 Comments 25 Likes First Anniversary 5 Awesomes
    @cherrypie
    I’m glad you found this support group and shared a bit about yourself. Can I ask your age and state you live in? Give yourself grace it’s only been under 2 years for your life changing injury it takes time to find your new normal that you DONT want! but Hang in there it DOES get easier! You will adjust and find new ways to handle things. I’d suggest getting some audiobooks and interesting podcast to listen too. One book I love is “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero 
    Communication is very important so talk out your feelings no matter what they are, there is no timeline or perfect way to deal with this, but know that you are Not Alone!!
  • iamdadmaniamdadman Moderator Posts: 195 Moderator
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    @cherrypie
    Hello and welcome to our group.  The group that no one really wants to be a part.  I know I have been where you are at.  The first 18 months of my injury were the worst of my life.  I wanted to be dead instead of in this chair.  I am not sure exactly how and when it all happened but I slowly came out of my misery.  I had a wife and kids who loved and cared for me,  I had brothers and sisters who did the same, I had friends who could care less that I was now in a wheelchair and I had a life that was full of good things.  Happiness is an INSIDE job.  It has to come from within.  It is not easy, it does not happen overnight but it will happen if you want it to happen.  The other thing that really helped me was to find a network of other people who were living life happily and were paralyzed.  As much as your family and friends love you, no one can understand what your life is like except someone else living with paralysis.  Stay on this site; ask questions and open up about what your feeling and good things will come...
    Joe
  • cherrypiecherrypie Member Posts: 9
    Name Dropper First Comment
    @ambercollie hello good afternoon Amber I am 25 years old but I got shot on my neck on July 1st 2018 on a sunny morning at 11 a.m. before noon I live in Houston Texas you know it's a miracle I'm alive I don't know how I came back from that but yeah you know I feel like this is the only site where I can actually express myself besides my family which is only my mother and my sister I feel like I cannot speak to no one I closed up I don't even want to talk to my friends or my other family members I think it's part of my PTSD I feel so angry with the world but anyways yes I will be looking into podcast that's what I do I like to be on my phone and watch YouTube videos and stuff like that but girl let me tell you this sucks
  • cherrypiecherrypie Member Posts: 9
    Name Dropper First Comment
    @iamdadman hello and thank you for your words of encouragement heck yeah you're right welcome to the club that absolutely no one wants to be a part of LOL I really like that part anyways yeah like this group text me I feel like we get each other and yeah you have a wife and everything is crazy so how they have to see you go through all of that I still feel like I don't want to go through this you know I feel like I have no justice for what happened to me either I got shot on my neck and got Left 4 Dead I mean it's tragic the girl who hates me who did this to me fled to Mexico anyways I'm trying to find my new normal but it's just so hard I still don't see how people can live on like this you know for like years and years I just want to roll off a cliff hahaha I know this group understands me and won't take this so serious - I just wish I could have lived my life out gotten married had kids I didn't get to experience none of that I was just young and learning life I'm only 25 years old this happened to me when I was 24 I'm going to turn 26 and April 12th this year I mean I'm just going crazy in my mind cuz I feel this huge Grudge but you're right happiness comes within and everyday I try to fight these emotions I tend to overeat a lot but I shouldn't be doing that and I refuse to get on my chair so I spent 24 7 in my room all day every day staring at the same four walls watching TV occasionally and being on my phone using a stylist in my mouth I have zero quality of life I'm sorry I'm complaining but I feel humiliated and I feel like a burden my poor mother cries every day I miss my life and I did refuse to keep living like this sometimes I wonder if somebody did voodoo on me because I'm not a bad person I was just hated by this one person who was determined to kill me- but yeah sometimes I just want to dehydrate myself to death but then I get freaking thirsty dude this sucks again I'm so sorry I'm being negative like really.
    Sincerely, a miserable soul
  • ambercollieambercollie Moderator Posts: 126 Moderator
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    @cherrypie You have a Powerful Story! You are a survivor and you are strong!
    I can understand your anger. There is no perfect way to deal with something like this. 
    It is not easy but you CAN still have a good life. It takes time...
    I want to encourage you to get dressed and into that wheelchair even if you don’t want to..and GET OUTSIDE!! You need fresh air and a change of scenery. Being alone in your room that long would make anyone feel bad Do you have a wheelchair ramp? What about physical therapy and or talk therapy do you have medical insurance that would cover this? It’s SO helpful. I also want you to consider letting your true friends come visit you. What if this was reversed you would still want to see your friend, right?
    I’m proud of you for posting and sharing. This is a safe place to vent. One day at a time. 
    Listening to uplifting music is also a great tip. You can still go to the movies, concerts, shows etc...Don’t give up! 
  • iamdadmaniamdadman Moderator Posts: 195 Moderator
    100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Awesomes First Anniversary
    @cherrypie
    just keep putting one foot in front of the other... it does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop... find something positive in EVERY day.  I don't care if it is only for one minute... find it and hold onto it.  It's a building block.. a path..a step.  I don't care if it was a show you watched or something you did on your phone or a pleasant memory... and yes they are still there.  Just like clouds that cover the sun... the sun is still there you just can't see it briefly.    
  • ambercollieambercollie Moderator Posts: 126 Moderator
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    @cherrypie
    Checking in, How are you??
  • BrittanyFrankBrittanyFrank Moderator Posts: 65 Moderator
    10 Comments 5 Awesomes Name Dropper 5 Likes
    Amen, patience was something I was working on before my accident and I still haven't mastered it. I miss the simplicity and spontaneity of life. This club is not one by choice, but welcome. I find getting outside every day helps. It doesn't fix everything, but it's something small to work towards. 
  • cherrypiecherrypie Member Posts: 9
    Name Dropper First Comment
    @ambercollie hey girl just hanging in there you know it's real tough out here staring at the same four walls and ceiling is really hard sleeping is incredibly hard and is everything so scary everyday is a nightmare but it's somehow I pulled through every day I don't know how but I'm here does existing I guess thank you for checking in how are you doing? I hope you're doing well life is tough out here for us and for caregivers I hope all is well God bless you and take care much love!
  • cherrypiecherrypie Member Posts: 9
    Name Dropper First Comment
    @BrittanyFrank you know exactly I know what you mean and having family and friends it's a great support system but I still cannot bring myself to get on a chair I'm way too depressed and ashamed I'm a C4 complete quadriplegic I'm paralyzed from the neck down on typing this with a stylist in my mouth but anyways like I was saying life is very hard like this I feel like nobody deserves this but somehow we find happiness in little things or at least I do even though 97% of the time I'm sad but yeah Life Goes On

  • cherrypiecherrypie Member Posts: 9
    Name Dropper First Comment
    edited March 14
    @BrittanyFrank I wish I could completely move & walk like normal like I used to! at this point I'm desperate to at least  move my upper body and arms like you 😢😭 :'[
  • cherrypiecherrypie Member Posts: 9
    Name Dropper First Comment
    edited March 14
     I want a hug my siblings my mother my friends I want to wipe my own tears eat my own food like this is so degrading . be normal why me? why us?
  • iamdadmaniamdadman Moderator Posts: 195 Moderator
    100 Likes 100 Comments 25 Awesomes First Anniversary
    @cherrypie
    Reading your words, brings back so many memories of my darkest days.  I am almost 10 years post so fortunately, the dark days are few and far between.  I don't have any magical words of motivation or secret formula that will dispel your sadness.  I found a way to come back to the land of the living.  For me, it was my wife, children, family and friends.  Somehow, I found the will to fight my way back to the person I was prior to my injury.  It was the hardest thing I have ever done.  It took time and effort and there are still days when I just want to stay in bed.  I would venture a guess that all the things inside of me, whatever they were, that got me back to where I am today, are there inside of you.  I will pray and send good vibes that you are able to find them.  I will only give you one word of caution; asking why me?  is fruitless.  You will never know.  I am that every one of us has asked ourselves that very same question and none of us found any answers there.  Remember, courage is being able to hang on for one more minute...

    much love,
    Joe
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