One thing you miss doing...

ZcollieZcollie Posts: 221Moderator Moderator
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Hi everyone.

For those of you who are injured. What is one thing you miss being able to do before your accident happened and what is one thing you have learned from it?

I am usually the type of person who is always positive and not let anything get to me. I accept the things I cannot change and don't stress about what I cant control. I personally try not to think about what I loss because I don't see the point of it. Thinking about the things I can no longer do makes me sad and I don't see the point in paying attention to those feelings. Any negative feelings I usually get I push them away before I latch onto them. The other day I allowed myself to feel those emotions and be okay feeling sad for little it. I don't see anything wrong with allowing yourself to feel any kind of emotions even the negative ones as long as you don't let them overpower your mind. 

I really really really miss the simple things... I miss being able to get myself a glass of water. I miss being able to dress myself and tie my own shoes. I miss standing up and hugging others. I miss running, which I never enjoyed doing. I miss doing my own hair. I even miss doing chores haha (not something I thought I would ever miss). The list goes on...

One of the biggest things this injury has taught me is Patience. I was the most impatient person I knew before my accident and all of my family would confirm that. I have learned to be a much more patient and compassionate person because of my SCI. I am grateful for that. 


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. -SONIA RICOTTI

Comments

  • ambercollieambercollie Posts: 98Moderator Moderator
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    @Zcollie you definitely have learned Patience!!!
    This was the kid that would ask me “mom what are we doing after this??
    While we’re at DISNEYLAND!

    We can always Chose to Keep Learning!
  • SterlionSterlion Posts: 89Moderator Moderator
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    @Zcollie
    You definitely hit on a lot of things I miss doing (dressing, running). The biggest thing I miss is the ability to go anywhere wherever and stay as long as I wanted without having to rely on others. Independence is something I would never again take for granted. 

    One thing Ive learned is compassion. We don't always know what people are going through because it's not always visible. 
  • ZcollieZcollie Posts: 221Moderator Moderator
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    @Sterlion Yeah same here. I miss having that freedom too. I took for granted a lot of things. I have learned many things because of this injury and becoming more compassionate was definitely one of them. 
    Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. -SONIA RICOTTI
  • WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Posts: 362Moderator Moderator
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    @Zcollie I agree with your attitude 100%... theres no point in wishing to have what once was. BUT.. I love this topic!

    my husband always says the number one thing he misses is being able to rock climb. Unfortunately, this is something that is not possible after an injury like his. He misses the mountains.. he misses the fresh air that he could breath from the top of a mountain he had just climbed. It makes me so sad...

    As for me, the one thing I really miss is being able to go somewhere overnight or a vacation alone. We do not have nursing, and every time I do hire someone to come and stay with him while im away, something always goes wrong and the stress I have to deal with after I come back isn't worth the trip to begin with for me. I miss that stress free feeling of leaving home and not having to worry...

    Brooke 
    Your WAGS of SCI
    (Elena and Brooke)
  • ZcollieZcollie Posts: 221Moderator Moderator
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    @WAGSofSCI Yeah I am sure that is really hard for you to have to deal with being the partner of someone with an sci. I wish it was an easier process to give our able-bodied partners a break. Caregiver burnout is such a real thing and what makes things even more difficult is mixing the roles of caregiver and partner. I was just talking to Bree about that last night and it sucks. I wish I could afford a full-time caregiver and take a lot of things off Bree's plate. All you women are truly freaking amazing who take on both roles and make it work. 
    Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. -SONIA RICOTTI
  • iamdadmaniamdadman Posts: 188Moderator Moderator
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    @Zcollie
    It's so interesting coming across this discussion.  Just the past couple of days I have been lamenting many things that I miss.  A couple of the things I miss in no particular order are making love to my wife and playing golf.  Like many of us living with paralysis, there are good days when life is good and I am able to see all that is good in my life and then there are bad days when I feel sorry for myself and miss everything from all the sports I use to play to doing yard work.  The bad days I think are more numerous when winter comes around.  The cold weather and the shorter days are not my cup of tea...

    Joe   
  • alexshephardalexshephard Posts: 2Member
    First Comment
    Being paralyzed is never the end of what you love. I have this patient who loved dancing before he got paralyzed. Half of his body is currently paralyzed and he is on a wheelchair. I'd been dancing since High school. And I am glad that we both the same passion. I am teaching my patient how to dance using his upper body such as his hands, shoulder and neck. He used to hate the world because of what has happened to him and now, I brought him so much hope and joy.  
    Click here
  • iamdadmaniamdadman Posts: 188Moderator Moderator
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    I think that is wonderful!  I tried to click on the link and it said that the site wasn't safe that your certificate wasn't verified?  Is it a picture of you and your patient dancing?
    Joe
  • ambercollieambercollie Posts: 98Moderator Moderator
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    @alexshephard
    That is so nice to hear. What is your type of work? 
  • FionaFiona Posts: 1Member
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    Going for a walk for pleasure.
  • iamdadmaniamdadman Posts: 188Moderator Moderator
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    @Fiona,

    I used to walk all the time with my neighbor.  We had a trail through the woods.  It was lovely.

    Joe

  • cherrypiecherrypie Posts: 5Member
    Name Dropper First Comment
    Hello, I'm nearly paralyzed here. And I just want to let you know that what you just said is spot-on like I learned patience and learned to Value things so much more. I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I feel so miserable everyday. I can't find my new normal even though it's been 1 year and 7 months. It's a living hell, and I just want to let you know that Your words bring me peace. I was going crazy right now. I was like, what are the odds? Why me? Anyways back to your question. I miss doing my makeup in my hair and getting cute outfits and making my own food my own way because I'm a very picky eater. Hahaha, I have this thing where I do not like my eggs on glass plates And things like that. I miss driving. I miss hugging my family like you said. I miss hanging out with my friends. I was very athletic very athletic. So. I feel like this is the most worst thing that could have happened to anybody especially an athletic person.
  • WAGSofSCIWAGSofSCI Posts: 362Moderator Moderator
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    @cherrypie
     have you followed Quads like Stephanie Ayello and Rachelle Chapman? They both have extremely positive profiles and are very successful in makeup and fashion - its good to immerse yourself with positive influences. You can also follow the Rolettes who are huge inspirations to us! Life does NOT need to be over with this injury - try and get to the place where you can have some acceptance and new good things will come into your life. - Brooke 
    Your WAGS of SCI
    (Elena and Brooke)
  • cherrypiecherrypie Posts: 5Member
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    @WAGSofSCI hello and I'm new here but I will follow I guess I should be trying to be more positive since I cannot change this situation and I accidentally put nearly paralyzed in my previous post I meant to say newly paralyzed. I'm a C4 complete unfortunately but anyways yes I will be looking into those profiles but is still very tragic because I cannot do my own makeup as much as I would like to I am very grateful although to find a support group I can talk to and understands me
  • ambercollieambercollie Posts: 98Moderator Moderator
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    @cherrypie
    I’m glad you found this support group and shared a bit about yourself. Can I ask your age and state you live in? Give yourself grace it’s only been under 2 years for your life changing injury it takes time to find your new normal that you DONT want! but Hang in there it DOES get easier! You will adjust and find new ways to handle things. I’d suggest getting some audiobooks and interesting podcast to listen too. One book I love is “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero 
    Communication is very important so talk out your feelings no matter what they are, there is no timeline or perfect way to deal with this, but know that you are Not Alone!!
  • iamdadmaniamdadman Posts: 188Moderator Moderator
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    @cherrypie
    Hello and welcome to our group.  The group that no one really wants to be a part.  I know I have been where you are at.  The first 18 months of my injury were the worst of my life.  I wanted to be dead instead of in this chair.  I am not sure exactly how and when it all happened but I slowly came out of my misery.  I had a wife and kids who loved and cared for me,  I had brothers and sisters who did the same, I had friends who could care less that I was now in a wheelchair and I had a life that was full of good things.  Happiness is an INSIDE job.  It has to come from within.  It is not easy, it does not happen overnight but it will happen if you want it to happen.  The other thing that really helped me was to find a network of other people who were living life happily and were paralyzed.  As much as your family and friends love you, no one can understand what your life is like except someone else living with paralysis.  Stay on this site; ask questions and open up about what your feeling and good things will come...
    Joe
  • cherrypiecherrypie Posts: 5Member
    Name Dropper First Comment
    @ambercollie hello good afternoon Amber I am 25 years old but I got shot on my neck on July 1st 2018 on a sunny morning at 11 a.m. before noon I live in Houston Texas you know it's a miracle I'm alive I don't know how I came back from that but yeah you know I feel like this is the only site where I can actually express myself besides my family which is only my mother and my sister I feel like I cannot speak to no one I closed up I don't even want to talk to my friends or my other family members I think it's part of my PTSD I feel so angry with the world but anyways yes I will be looking into podcast that's what I do I like to be on my phone and watch YouTube videos and stuff like that but girl let me tell you this sucks
  • cherrypiecherrypie Posts: 5Member
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    @iamdadman hello and thank you for your words of encouragement heck yeah you're right welcome to the club that absolutely no one wants to be a part of LOL I really like that part anyways yeah like this group text me I feel like we get each other and yeah you have a wife and everything is crazy so how they have to see you go through all of that I still feel like I don't want to go through this you know I feel like I have no justice for what happened to me either I got shot on my neck and got Left 4 Dead I mean it's tragic the girl who hates me who did this to me fled to Mexico anyways I'm trying to find my new normal but it's just so hard I still don't see how people can live on like this you know for like years and years I just want to roll off a cliff hahaha I know this group understands me and won't take this so serious - I just wish I could have lived my life out gotten married had kids I didn't get to experience none of that I was just young and learning life I'm only 25 years old this happened to me when I was 24 I'm going to turn 26 and April 12th this year I mean I'm just going crazy in my mind cuz I feel this huge Grudge but you're right happiness comes within and everyday I try to fight these emotions I tend to overeat a lot but I shouldn't be doing that and I refuse to get on my chair so I spent 24 7 in my room all day every day staring at the same four walls watching TV occasionally and being on my phone using a stylist in my mouth I have zero quality of life I'm sorry I'm complaining but I feel humiliated and I feel like a burden my poor mother cries every day I miss my life and I did refuse to keep living like this sometimes I wonder if somebody did voodoo on me because I'm not a bad person I was just hated by this one person who was determined to kill me- but yeah sometimes I just want to dehydrate myself to death but then I get freaking thirsty dude this sucks again I'm so sorry I'm being negative like really.
    Sincerely, a miserable soul
  • ambercollieambercollie Posts: 98Moderator Moderator
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    @cherrypie You have a Powerful Story! You are a survivor and you are strong!
    I can understand your anger. There is no perfect way to deal with something like this. 
    It is not easy but you CAN still have a good life. It takes time...
    I want to encourage you to get dressed and into that wheelchair even if you don’t want to..and GET OUTSIDE!! You need fresh air and a change of scenery. Being alone in your room that long would make anyone feel bad Do you have a wheelchair ramp? What about physical therapy and or talk therapy do you have medical insurance that would cover this? It’s SO helpful. I also want you to consider letting your true friends come visit you. What if this was reversed you would still want to see your friend, right?
    I’m proud of you for posting and sharing. This is a safe place to vent. One day at a time. 
    Listening to uplifting music is also a great tip. You can still go to the movies, concerts, shows etc...Don’t give up! 
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