How do I help my husband want to live a full life again

eltonliz79

My husband was injured 01/21/2017, at a C6-7. I’ve stayed by his side through the entire 7 months of Rehab and emergency hospital stays. I’m his full time caregiver as well as his wife. At first he was interested in all the activities and equipment to try in his new lifestyle, but now he lays in bed, 90% of the time, avoiding any movement as much as possible (he has severe nerve pain every single minute of the day) and is just waiting to die. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried showing him things online that others SCI people do to show he can still do things. I’ve gotten so frustrated now that our relationship is really taking a hit. He feels that nothing he does is good enough for me, but all I want for him is to be happy and active again. I don’t know what to do.

AskNurseLinda

This is tragic but not uncommon. It is not unusual for people to be gung ho after SCI only to have the exhaustion of the situation set in mentally and physically. People feel guilty about being different from before and having to rely on someone else. The adjustment can be overwhelming. 
Who would want to do anything when you are in pain? That would be the first step, to get that pain under control. It will take effort but start now as it takes time for medications to work. It is an educated trial and error process but most people do gain control over their pain. One of the easiest treatments for pain is movement. Our bodies crave movement so range of motion especially to the body parts affected by SCI is a good place to start. Staying in bed increases pain.
Also, depression pays a visit about this time in your husband's recovery process. I am sure he has been working hard and doing all of the 'right' things but is not seeing any return on his investment. 
The next step is to have a frank talk with him and his healthcare provider. There are treatment options, some that will help with pain control and mental health at the same time. Now, is the time to get started before the situation begins spiraling, if it hasn't already. You might also want to discuss counselling as a couple because spinal cord injury affects everyone in the relationship.
These are both difficult issues but they can be improved. There is no quick fix or magic words. It is a road that you will need to travel together to get results. Your relationship can survive this but you will need intervention from your healthcare provider. These are health issues that need treatment. Nurse Linda

gedna

Hi
As a person who was injured 25 years ago,, I can tell you that on that time there was hardly knowledge about the pain sci persons meat after injury.

After I was injured, ( when I was 24 year old) I got married and gave birth to 2 beautiful kids.
The pain started wright from the beginning of the injury but it got warser and warser over time.
Most of the rehabilitation phisicians told me my pain is due to not enough phisical exercise, but they were so wrong. They even convinced my family that this was my pain sorce.

It was so frustrating. I knew for sure that something is wrong with my pain sensation because of my C45 injury, but no body understood me.

Today the knowledge about pain and sci is much higher, and the attitude about it had changed completely.

From my own experience I advice you not to fight your husband pain, but first to let him know you understand him and his pain, and to some him compression about it.
After, please try to help him get out of his pain and mood circle through pain phisicians .
I am almost sure that if he will be able to control his pain, he will be much more active and productive.

Regular healthy persons cannot understand the severnes of the pain after sci.

Wish you lock and love
Edna

AskNurseLinda

Edna, thank you so much for your input and support. Nurse Linda