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Overwhelmed

jeanie1jeanie1 Member Posts: 1
Oh ...I am drowning...how do I survive this new reality with my husband a complete tetrapalegic?!! I am overwhelmed with anxiety,fear, sadness...I can’t do it!

Comments

  • CruckerCrucker Moderator Posts: 77 Moderator
    25 Likes 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Jeanie1, I am not a tetraplegic, only a paraplegic, nor am I a doctor, nurse, psychologist, or grief counselor.  Perhaps others more knowledgeable in those areas have consulted you elsewhere on this site or directly, but I have been paralyzed for 25 years so I have a sense of what you are experiencing. Without advising you how to feel -- as no one should -- I can tell you what helped my wife and me escape the whirlpool of emotions you are now expressing. Personally, I found someone -- a friend who had just lost her husband to cancer -- who was much more forgiving and understanding of my own initial feelings of despair and depression. People who are newly paralyzed often just want to be left alone to figure out for themselves what they are going through. l did it. I didn't want to participate in either family or social life for quite a while, just hang out in a small bedroom we arranged for me at home. Others were worried that I was "withdrawing" from life or or shutting down or "giving up." Only my friend, the recent widow, understood and encouraged me to work through the crisis in my own fashion. Also, I developed a frame of mind, as did my wife, to break problems down into discreet, manageable steps. That started with learning the very rudiments of living -- how to eat, go to the bathroom, and in my case, sit up without falling over and transferring without fear. In your husband's case, those early learning steps are of course much different, but as he learns to do what he can do and learns how to guide you and others with dealing with the things he can't do, he will slowly develop a sense of mastery over his situation. With any kind of mastery comes confidence and at least in my case, that confidence carried over to other monumental problems, like being heavily in debt, with household expenses like the mortgage I couldn't handle, and not being able to work. Small, discreet steps -- that was the beginning of recovery for me and my family.

    If this helps at all, happy to continue. The best advice and counsel you can possibly get is from other people who have gone through your experience. Try to find those people however you can -- they are a true life line.

    God bless, Allen Rucker


  • vpitaluga1vpitaluga1 Member Posts: 5
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Photogenic First Comment
    Hi @jeanie1 I'm a quad wife, my husband has a complete injury at the C6-C7 level. Please PM met, let's chat!
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