How do I fix myself- anger! — Reeve Connect
Reeve Connect will be shut down on October 31, 2021, while we reimagine and refresh our community forum. Thank you for making Reeve Connect a place where all people living with paralysis come to share their stories, tips, and engage in lively discussions. Stay connected with Reeve as we explore new community platforms and bring you an updated site that will be easier to navigate and accessible for all people living with paralysis. You can follow the Reeve Foundation on social media and sign up for our newsletter to receive the latest news on our initiatives and programs.

Read more

How do I fix myself- anger!

Navygal Member Posts: 2
First Comment
     I’m not a professional of any kind in this field but, looking back to the day I was hurt until now, I don’t think that I’ve ever been sad about it.  I don’t think that I've ever been depressed about it either.  I’ve been angry though, about everything and with everyone, angrier than I thought I could ever be.

    Of course, the foremost and strongest anger is directed at the person/people who did this to me.  I was waterskiing and fell.  It’s not the first time I ever fell and by itself is no big deal.  This time though while I was collecting myself a boat came at me- with all four passengers in some stage of being drunk.  I saw them coming but have no memory of the accident. They just ran me over like I wasn’t even there and I woke up several days later in the hospital.  I became a T-4, T-5 paraplegic and also lost my right eye.  The police caught up eventually, took them into custody, but that's small consolation. Their story was that they planned to go behind me once I passed but I know I was hurt because they were drunk.  
   I was angry during my time in the hospital, of course, even though everyone there had my best interests in mind.
    There's just so much more anger hat I spread around too; the way my mom pussyfoots around me, at my Priest and his platitudes about God's plans, how I won't drive (because of my eye), and on and on and on.  The sheer quantity and strength of is scares me.

    There's a part of my brain that keeps telling me to get over it and lose this anger- what's done is done- before I alienate everyone, especially myself, from my life before it's to late but I just don't know how-and that it's wrong to even come here to ask because most people here have injuries that are more severe than my own.  Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions about how lose this fix myself?   Thanks from a newbie.


  • Brandilane1
    Brandilane1 Member Posts: 21
    10 Comments Photogenic
    Navy girl,

    I am no professional either!  I’ll tell you what little I know. 15 years ago I had an accident and it was my own stupid fault. I felt very dumb and probably never forgave myself. After surgery at the Shepherd Center I was merged into therapy with a whole lot of other people that were recently injured and doing PT. Best I can remember my story was the dumbest one and I was so embarrassed but only mad at myself. Most of the other injury’s that surrounded me were caused by someone other than the injured person. Most were very angry. I remember still being embarrassed but also being grateful that I didn’t have that kind of anger because I could clearly see it holding them back. 

    To me, it looked like the anger was so much that it was hard for them to focus on moving forward with what needed to be done to survive and thrive. I didn’t have to waste my energy on being angry at a drunk driver and I was able to put that energy into moving forward and figuring out this new way of life. My energy went to exercise, transfers, teaching myself everyday to get in/out of the bottom of the tub, learning to drive and going back to my job. As long as I had something to learn or focus on I didn’t have time to be angry at myself. To this day I try not to think about it because it brings me somewhere mentally that’s not a good place and it not only doesn’t help me but can keep me in a place where I don’t even want to help myself. That’s a nasty place to live. 

    Again I’m not a professional so I can only tell you from experience what helped me. I may never forgive myself but I refuse to stay lost in it all day or at all. I wake up every single day trying to be better than I was yesterday. That’s all I focus on anymore and it works. I hardly ever have the attitude of “I can’t.”  And instead it’s, “I can but it may look different.”  

    I’m hoping someone else may chime in and help both us to learn and how to forgive others and ourselves. But meanwhile, my advice to you is this...

    Focus on you what you have to do to get through this and thrive. It can be done. Yes it’s hard but i bet if u take all that energy you’re using to be angry and sink it in to being a better/more independent you—-it will not only help you but you will start to see others look at you in awe instead of pity. It will help your loved ones get through these tough times as well. You have work to do girl and I believe anything is possible. Put your focus and energy on what needs to be done. What are your goals?  What are the steps it will take to get there?  Let’s write it down and get to work on those steps. And while you are doing that maybe we should both find some professional help to talk to about this anger. Because it’s not serving us. 

    I wish I had all the answers for you sister. I’m happy to give you what I have though. Please don’t hesitate to reach back out if you have any questions for me.