Making love after SCI

I have been paralyzed for a little over eight years now. I have been with my wife for over 45 years. We always had a great sex life and immediately following my injury, what had come easily and naturally was now extremely difficult. First off, my wife didn't want to have sex because she felt guilty because while she was still able to achieve orgasm, I was not. She found it difficult to understand why I would even want to make love when I could not orgasm or even feel her touches. I am a T2 so anything below my nipple line is unfeeling. I can honestly remember the first couple of times after sex, and she orgasmed, she would break down in tears with guilt and sadness. After a while we overcame that issue with discussion and patient understanding. Even though I am 67 years old I must have really high levels of testosterone because I still have an incredible strong sex drive. We now engage in sexual activity about once a week and it is an expression of love and passion. I still find my wife extremely desirable and even though lovemaking is much different than what it was, I get a lot of pleasure from making love to my wife. We have found different ways too make love; one way is in the shower, another is role playing. I still love performing oral sex and touching her all over. There is a lot of anxiety and apprehension about SEX after SCI but based on your partner and sincere communication, making love can still be a very enjoyable experience.
Comments
SEX is a topic that almost everyone wants to hear, learn, or even want to experience but not everyone want to participate in. Why? Is it because of our society? Religion? Morality? Just keep in mind, what is right or moral for us maybe wrong or immoral for others and vice versa.. We all have different beliefs and culture. What is normal in one society or culture may not be normal to others (and vice versa), isn't it?
While others are fortunate to have someone to want to have SEX, INTIMACY, RELATIONSHIP, CONNECTION, BELONGING, BOOTY CALL, or whatever you call it... others are not that fortunate to have that kind of person to have sex with or to be intimate with. And YES, I'm not just talking about paralysis here but also other type of disability especially those who can't even DIY (Do It Yourself or masturbate).
Click here >>> to view one of the many sexual surrogacy videos on YouTube that may or may not even open your mind. Personally, I feel so lucky and blessed but feeling for sorry for others.
Please let have an open mind, remain non-judgmental and perhaps, we can all learn from each other about this SEXUAL SURROGACY topic... we want to hear your honest, uncensored opinion on this issue.
I'm not even sure if this post will be allowed by the Moderator (due to minors in this site) but if this kind of topic isn't allowed, please feel free to delete this post.
@wheelchairwarlock
How long did it take (or how many uses) for the Viberect to work? We have heard mixed reviews in our community about its effectiveness. Its hit or miss.. thoughts?
-Brooke
(Elena and Brooke)
I haven't gotten it in the mail yet actually, but hopefully I will find out soon.
So I went to a dr who tried a PRP (plasma rich protein) injection. Still nothing. But she did recommend a really cute vibrator. Now honestly everyone, I had never (maybe once) used one, but this one is actually kinda fun.
We have found other ways to make lovemaking enjoyable, and I am no longer upset about my “inadequacy.”
Thank you iamdadman and Dan_Gottlieb for your comments relating to your partners. My husband always says he likes to perform oral sex, but I wondered if it was really true. Dan, your description was beautiful.
Thank you for sharing the whole sex thing from a woman's perspective. Yes, my wife and I still make love and I love to perform oral sex when we do. My only problem, and I am not even sure it is a problem is that since I cannot achieve orgasm, I just want to keep going and going. My wife.... not so much. We are 68 and she is going to be 68 on September 9 so I guess I just have an overabundance of testosterone...lol
Joe
I don’t know about your hormone levels (lol), but I find your desire to please your wife and to continue to have intimate conversations admirable. My husband and I also have very open and honest conversations. So at least we all have that.
It’s just so tough to have had something and then lose it (as we all know).
Chris
Chris,
Yes, I have always enjoyed sex immensely. To me it was a physical demonstration of my love for my wife. Plus, it felt really good. :-) I always had a much stronger sex drive than my wife. It was something we compromised on for our marriage. I think that you are right and not only do I want sex but I want sex the way it used to be...
Joe