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Need advice on emotional availability
Hi everybody I am new to this group. My story is complicated. I am married going through a divorce. My husband and I are friends with a couple who has a child our sons age. We’ve known them for about 5 years. During that time we met the brother of the wife, who has been in a chair for 13 years now. He is 53 (I’m 49). I was attracted to him immediately. We’ve all hung out together a handful of times over the last 4 or 5 years. About a year ago I went to lunch with him (I’ll call him T) after I lost a bet with him at his sisters house during a get together. So we went to lunch and that started an affair that is going on a year. I’m in love with him. I have never felt this way in my life. When I’m in his arms on his couch I feel like I’m home. Warm, happy, fulfilled on a level I’ve never experienced before. The thing is he wants to keep this sexual only. He told me he had left his wife but I recently learned she was the one that left him. My husband found out about us but didn’t share this with anyone so T’s sister and brother-in-law (our friends) are not aware of what has been going on. My husband believes the affair ended because T told him that but it has not and I don’t want it to. I’m moving forward with divorce (which has nothing to do with T, this divorce has been years in the making, please do not judge me, too much to get into the whys). So here I am, still seeing T, unknown to my soon to be ex-husband and T’s family. T has said things many times over the last year about connected with me on many levels, how amazing I am, what a perfect woman I am, etc. The time we get to spend together when we are intimate is mind blowing. He can perform sexually but can’t actually achieve orgasm. Something we have been working on. That’s not my point though. My point is I feel the energy that passes between us, I feel how he touches me, the way he looks at me. Yet he says no future, it’s purely sexual and he wants to keep it that way. Do I just walk away? There have been numerous times over the last year that I ended it or he would say we should stop. A few times I said I really can’t see you anymore it’s too painful. But he always reaches back out to me and we start seeing each other again. He will say I connect with you but I don’t want to be deep with anyone. I’ll rub his back or kiss him gently and I can see and feel his reaction but then he will stiffen up and make it sexual again. How do I navigate this? How do I help him open up? It’s killing me. I have never been on a forum like this before I hope this is an appropriate place to ask this question I just have nobody else to turn to who could maybe understand what he’s going through and what he needs. Thank you for any advice ❤️
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