Need advice on emotional availability — Reeve Connect
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Need advice on emotional availability

SillyGirl571
SillyGirl571 Member Posts: 10
First Comment
Hi everybody I am new to this group. My story is complicated. I am married going through a divorce. My husband and I are friends with a couple who has a child our sons age. We’ve known them for about 5 years. During that time we met  the brother of the wife, who has been in a chair for 13 years now. He is 53 (I’m 49).  I was attracted to him immediately. We’ve all hung out together a handful of times over the last 4 or 5 years. About a year ago I went to lunch with him (I’ll call him T) after  I lost a bet with him at his sisters house during a get together. So we went to lunch and that started an affair that is going on a year. I’m in love with him. I have never felt this way in my life. When I’m in his arms on his couch I feel like I’m home. Warm, happy, fulfilled on a level I’ve never experienced before.  The thing is he wants to keep this sexual only. He told me he had left his wife but I recently learned she was the one that left him.  My husband found out about us but didn’t share this with anyone so T’s sister and brother-in-law (our friends) are not aware of what has been going on. My husband believes the affair ended because T told him that but it has not and I don’t want it to. I’m moving forward with divorce (which has nothing to do with T, this divorce has been years in the making, please do not judge me, too much to get into the whys). So here I am, still seeing T, unknown to my soon to be ex-husband and T’s family. T has said things many times over the last year about connected with me on many levels, how amazing I am, what a perfect woman I am, etc. The time we get to spend together when we are intimate is mind blowing. He can perform sexually but can’t actually achieve orgasm. Something we have been working on. That’s not my point though. My point is I feel the energy that passes between us, I feel how he touches me, the way he looks at me. Yet he says no future, it’s purely sexual and he wants to keep it that way. Do I just walk away? There have been numerous times over the last year that I ended it or he would say we should stop. A few times I said I really can’t see you anymore it’s too painful. But he always reaches back out to me and we start seeing each other again. He will say I connect with you but I don’t want to be deep with anyone. I’ll rub his back or kiss him gently and I can see and feel his reaction but then he will stiffen up and make it sexual again. How do I navigate this? How do I help him open up? It’s killing me. I have never been on a forum like this before I hope this is an appropriate place to ask this question I just have nobody else to turn to who could maybe understand what he’s going through and what he needs. Thank you for any advice ❤️

Comments

  • stephanie426
    stephanie426 Moderator Posts: 81 Moderator
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Likes First Answer
    It sounds like he's made himself pretty clear - the only type of relationship he's interested in is a sexual one. If you want more than that, then you should look elsewhere. If you're fine with just hooking up, then enjoy it while it lasts. 
  • SillyGirl571
    SillyGirl571 Member Posts: 10
    First Comment
    edited January 16
    Posted this a year ago. Fast forward to now. We are in an exclusive relationship. Have been to his family summer house for vacation with him and his mom. I switch weeks with my ex-husband so the kids wouldn’t have to move after the divorce and my weeks out of the house I live with T. He was emotionally destroyed by his wife leaving him and didn’t think he could ever commit or be in love again. He has taken many walls down for me/us. He is the funniest, sweetest, kindest person I know and it is so amazing to experience love on a whole new level with him. Even more amazing to see him take down those walls! Still working through some things but that is every relationship. 
  • stephanie426
    stephanie426 Moderator Posts: 81 Moderator
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Likes First Answer
    I am so glad that this worked out for you! It sounds like you and T have been through a lot, and he needed to figure out what he wanted. I am glad that you both ended up wanting to same thing - each other!!
  • SillyGirl571
    SillyGirl571 Member Posts: 10
    First Comment
    Thank you! I pinch myself every day 😊❤️