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Misconceptions about dating when you live with paralysis
in Finding Love
As far as romantic relationships and dating go, what do you wish more people knew about those who live with paralysis? Are there any stereotypes you'd like to prove are not true?
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Comments
(Elena and Brooke)
Just last week we received a message over Instagram from a man in a wheelchair who was wondering about our opinion on dating after SCI. He said that he noticed that both Elena (the other founder of WAGS of SCI) and I had been with our partners prior to their injuries, and he wondered how many women we knew who actually started dating their partners post SCI. He was sceptical about there actually being women out there who wanted to date someone with an SCI. He obviously hadn't been following our page for that long, because we surprised him by saying that approx. 70% of the women in the stories on our page actually met their partners post SCI. He was shocked.
Our opinion on this:
We read a stat in a scientific study while our partners were in rehab that stated that 80% of relationships do not survive after spinal cord injury. This was for various reasons: stress, loss of sex life, trauma, lifestyle change etc. We started this WAGS of SCI group because we wanted to prove that this does not HAVE to be the case for us. We wanted to rise above the statistic... and prove that love can endure even the hardest traumas if you have the right attitude, support system, and strong relationship. Our opinion is if your relationship is not the right one for both of you, it wont be the injury that is the catalyst to your break up.. it will be something else. We believe that if you are in a strong, loving, committed relationship, the injury will only strengthen your bond together.
We have noticed over the past 1.5 years since we began this group that the women who start dating someone post SCI do not care about the chair or the injury. They fall in love with the person. This is hard for some of our single Male followers in wheelchairs to process because they believe the chair is an obstacle for them to find someone.
We propose this new way of thinking about the chair and the injury when it comes to dating post SCI: Think of the chair like a filter. It will filter out women who are not the right ones for you, and narrow down the ones who ARE. Sure it may seem like you may have a smaller pool of women to choose from when it comes to dating, but do you really want to waste your time on the ones who actually care about the wheelchair and not what's between your ears? Someone who look at it as an obstacle instead of a non-issue or something you can overcome together? NO! The right woman will look past the injury, and while she may be harder to find, she's out there for you and you will find one another at the right time.
- Brooke (WAGS of SCI)
(Elena and Brooke)
(Elena and Brooke)